The criminal trial of Sean Dunn, a D.C. man charged with misdemeanor assault for throwing a sub-style sandwich at a Customs and Border Patro...
The criminal trial of Sean Dunn, a D.C. man charged with misdemeanor assault for throwing a sub-style sandwich at a Customs and Border Patrol (CBP) agent, descended into moments of absurdity this week as a federal courtroom focused on the volatile nature of fast-food condiments. The incident, which occurred during a heated protest against President Trump's federal policing crackdown in the nation's capital, has become a symbol of resistance, yet the trial’s focus was surprisingly granular: the sandwich's contents.
CBP Agent Gregory Lairmore, the recipient of the airborne "footlong," provided surprisingly vivid testimony about the projectile. He recounted how Dunn, "red-faced" and "enraged," hurled the wrapped sub in what was described by another witness as a "baseball pitch." The agent testified that upon impact with his ballistic vest, the sandwich "exploded all over him."
The key evidence presented wasn't violence, but the pungent aftermath. Lairmore informed the jury that he was hit so hard he "could feel it through his ballistic vest," and that he could "smell the onions and mustard" on his uniform. In a moment that elicited laughs in the crowded courtroom, Lairmore even noted that a stray onion string was left hanging near his police radio later that night. Furthermore, the "fast-food mustard," he stated, had stained his uniform shirt.
Dunn’s defense team, while admitting their client threw the sandwich due to his "very strong feelings" against the federal presence, characterized the sub-toss as a "harmless gesture that did not, could not, cause injury." They pressed Agent Lairmore on the seriousness of the situation, highlighting two gag gifts he received from coworkers: a plush submarine sandwich and a "felony footlong" patch that Lairmore placed on his lunchbox. The defense also noted the lack of evidentiary photos showing the alleged mustard stains.
Despite the comedic elements of the testimony, the charges are serious. Dunn, a former paralegal for the Department of Justice who was fired after his arrest, faces a federal misdemeanor charge for assaulting a federal officer. The trial's focus on the mechanics of the "sub-toss" and the explosive properties of its ingredients underlines the political and cultural tension surrounding the summer's federal policing actions, all delivered with a side of deli drama.
No comments